what's on my mind
shane and jenny season 2
       My teacher decided to step things up about ten notches this week, and all in all this semester wasn't so bad up until this week came about.  Of course it was a lot of hard work on my brain to do so much reading in so short a time period, but I for the most part practically pulled it off.  Not to mention reading TWO books on the side during our ridicolously slow weeks!!  Well...the Hunger Games I started on Spring Break, so that doesn't count.  Reading the 644 page "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo," was on an off week, and one I honestly thought would take me an entire month to read!  To my great pleasure and surprise, it only took me five days.  And that's after having seen the movie five times previous! It just grabs hold of your attention and fills in what no movie could've had the time to prepare and film for.  It would be WAY to long and movie, and few people would be willing to sit through it all.  I don't blame them.  I like that they can't possibly cover everything in a book. It leaves for those who haven't read it, some things as a mystery.  And leads people to want to read the book, and it makes those who've read and forgotten the book, to want to go back and reread it again.  It usually does for me.  Something tht REALLY used to bother me, but now I realize is completely illogical.  It just cannot be done like the books folks! It's an entirely different medium!  Sorry. It's just some people are really starting to irritate me with their unfitted logic.  Try and confront these people to tell the truth, and a lot of them will go "ummmm....well they still could've____" Fill in the blank.  It will NEVER be right in their opinion, so don't even try.  Trust me.  It will just be a wasted effort. 
    Almost like those people forcing their opinons on you about whatever is wrong to them about the world.  They don't seem to go about it nicely, they just seem to want you to agree with them, or if you don't, it's like a screw you attitude.  That's not the best way to go about changing the world.  You don't FORCE people to see it your way.  You use facts, grab their attention in a better way, and they will either side with you or not.  Fight alongside with you in the battle, or leave you out to dry.  That's just how it is. 

shane and jenny season 2
    So...I had my dentist appointment that I was nervous about going.  Things went well.  I didn't lose it about being there for the first time since I lost my mom.  I honestly thought that I was going to because the song that I had playing on the way there just almost made me lose it this morning.  I was going to change it to the next song, but as always I put myself through it so that I ALWAYS am thinking of my mom.  I don't want to go a day without thinking of her.  She was a very big and very important part of my life, and it seems both rude and selfish of me to want to forget that.  Besides, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right?  And since I'm here and she's not, this is a way I'm trying to build up my strength and perservere through this extremely difficult time.  So...that is what I'm doing. 
      Well....my teacher posted our final essay assignment and then told us in class today what our last book we will be reading is.  Since the paper is due on Monday and the questions for the book are due on our last day, next Wednesday, I'm getting the paper done first.  Doesn't seem as hard as a paper as I originially thought, so that's gotta be a good thing.  I just hope I get a better grade on this paper than I did my previous one.  That grade will really effect my grade in the class if this one isn't better.  So...fingers crossed there...and then there's this sudden issue of a test.  Funny, we've actually not had a test throughout the whole semester.  We've only had the two BIG essay assignments and then a bunch of mini essay questions to answer for every week.  Nothing bad at all in my opinion.  So...needless to say that this test makes me nervous.  On the bright side, only two more weeks left and then I'll be done with school and able to read the books I wanna read to my hearts content.  That's what I'm most excited for.  lol.  I cannot wait to start "The Girl Who Played With Fire," and "The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest!"  Though I will unfortunately have to finish reading "Hanging Up" before I can even start those two.  I started that the other day just to have something else to take my mind off the boring books we're reading in class and that wouldn't be super interesting and unable to put down as I suspect the next two books in the Millenium trilogy to be.  This is one thing that I do not doubt for a second.  Therefore, I have another book that I'm halfway done to finish before I can start to read to my hearts content.  Still....could be worse I guess.  I could've found and fell in love with this series earlier in the semester and then would've been forced to wait THAT MUCH LONGER till I could read them.There's an upside at least. 
   I'm also trying not to watch the VERY AMAZING "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" for the seventh time.  I'm unfortunately already sick of the storyline.  I've got it down a little too well.  Having seen our version six times, read the book, and seen the Swedish version (Extended AND Theatrical).  Their extended version is better than THEIR theatrical, but NEITHER can come anywhere close to a comparison as our one version!! That is a fact! It is both closer to the book, and has far better acting/directing/cinematography/score/location....just everything about ours kicks the Swedish versions asses!!!!  So....sorry.  Those who feel that theirs is closer to the books need actually read the books again.  They have changed much, much more than we did!  I say do not listen to those people, as they clearly don't know what it is that they are talking about.  But please, don't just take my word for it.  Read the book, watch all three versions of the movie as MANY people have compared it to BOTH Swedish versions and then obviously our own and tell me for yourself.  It's all there, in print and on the both the books pages as well as our movie.  Really, really. 
     I think that that's all I've got to say for today.  Always a lot, I know.  I cannot shut up.  I just need to get out whatever it is that's currently bothering my for the day and then I feel refreshed, and again anew.  Whatever works, right?

random thoughts from tonight
shane and jenny season 2
    I was watching "The Social Network" tonight, and for all intents and purposes, I was going to finish watching the special features that I have left from "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" afterwards.  I was at first under the impression that I had watched them all already, only to remember that I hit all the ones that I thought were heavy in the Rooney Mara content.  Silly me.  I did do other special features after hitting the ones that I thought contained the most with her, but I do remember that there was one with Daniel Craig that I didn't do, and am sure that there is one other that I missed.  lol.  Oh, well.  While I was watching "The Social Network" and had it paused on one of the times when I needed to run to the restroom, it occured to me that I finally have a dentist appointment for a teeth cleaning next week.  Then I of course got really sad and scared. No, I'm not one that is scared of the dentist.  When I was little I used to be, but then again isn't everyone when they're young?? No, I was scared because the last time that I was at this particular dentist office, I was with my mom.  Then I started to worry about what types of questions that they might ask me, and then get sucked into a thought about my mom that I had most likely not recalled over the last eight months and thought about what would happen if/when I lose it?  I'm most likely going to lose it anyways.  It's the same reason I haven't been able to take another physical class in school.  The only one I've taken since she has passed was an Intro to Counseling class and that is now my new major.  That class did also help me get a bit more of a grip in my life and helped me to see things better.  Though I of course spent the entire three and a half hour class crying.  I tried to stop it, but I just couldn't.  It was the emotion of having to continue to go through the drudgery of school, with my confidant and friend there to help me.  To ask how the day went?  How I did on my tests?  What did I learn? Do I like it?  Just the daily things that seem small and nonsensical to most people, but at the end of the day were the talks/discussions that I looked forward to most.  It really is like they say in the movie's: the little things in life really do matter.  Most of you may not see that now, but believe me, it really does matter.  A time will unfortunately come for you, as it will for every one of us on earth.  Just the way the world works, but like me, it will happen sooner for some than for others.  I suggest you value your time with your parents.  They're the only set you got.  It doesn't matter if they're adopted or not.  If they're your parents and the ones you've spent your whole life with, then they are the ones that truly matter.  And if you happened to get shitty, evil, rude, pedophile parents, than I don't suggest that.  I do however suggest you enjoy your time with your friends, or people who to you are your family.  Either way, just be there.  That's all it requires.  Love the ones you love and you will in turn be loved back. 
   So...as you see, right now I'm not really one whose great at being left alone with me.  I'm constantly trying to keep my mind occupied about other things so that way I don't just completely breakdown and be lying back in my bed and sleeping all day like I was for those first two weeks; simply becuase it was too painful to be awake because I'd be thinking about mom.  Ironically, sleep seems to be the only time when I still don't seem to think about her, but even that time is beginning to end.  It's slowly starting to turn to that direction.  I can tell.  I keep having dreams about my extended family and in the end, I know full well where that will lead me.  My nightmares also seem to be growing once again at a steady pace, though this doesn't surprise me.  Even if I'm having dreams now, they're other either a type of nighmare or just blank, black, nothingness.  This is fine with me.  I don't mind not having happy dreams.  Happy dreams were back to when I was always happy every single day and that isn't the case anymore.  At best on any given day now, I am contempt.  That is fine with me.  Contempt is better than being depressed and dreading the time that you cannot sleep anymore because you have to wake up and suffer through another fourteen hour hell of a day.  That was what the first couple months were.  Never been did I loathe having to see the sun and then loathe when the sun went down. This was was what each and everyday has felt like for quite a few months.  I do still dread having to wake up and go through the day, but now it's just nornal.  Something that simply MUST be done.  I look forward to the time when I have to read and be taken away from my pain and into the life of someone else's.  That is why my reading habits have kicked up a great deal.  And then there was the shock in finding the GREAT movie "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo." That was unexpected though pleasant.  Never was I so taken with a movie that for the entire TWO AND A HALF HOURS I didn't think one single thought about my life and what it is currently like.  I was sucked into the compelling story and completely flabergasted after the rape scene.  I admit to being completely on edge and fearing for Rooney Mara every time she was alone all throughout the second half.  It did take a LOT of convincing to force myself to watch it again before my rental time expired.  I really didn't know if I liked it or not after the first time I saw it. I was honestly leaning toward a "No."  But the second time I skipped over the rape scene and caught the story I was too shocked to miss because of the rape scene and now it seems like a bulk of my thinking during the days.  Which is fine with me.  I need something to keep me completely occupied.  I'm just mad the the book only took me five lousy days to read, because with my reading skills and the fact that the book was 644 pages long; I figured it would take me the rest of the month to read it.  Fine by me, the school reading is quite hefty, but I thought it would get me through the rest of the month until school was over.   That wasn't the case.  Now I'm waiting ever so impatiently to read the second and third book, and cannot because of stinking school!! Oh well, just a couple more weeks and then those books are ALL MINE!!!!! lol. 
        Well...I feel as though I've put enough out there tonight.  I must say it was WAY MORE than I originally thought that it was going to be.  I figured one lousy miniscule paragraph and that was at best what it would be like.  Hahaha. I guess that there was more in my mind than I had originally thought.  I should not be shocked by this.  It typically happens when I get into a writing groove.  I find that  I can easily do a dissertation on just one such subject no problem.  Writing is just something that I purely enjoy. I find that it shows in my inability to shut up as it does now.  An entire paragraph on me wanting to end this post.  lol. At least it's more miniscule than my previous two.  I like to think that that will count for something.  It does in my book.  Good night.  I really must be getting in bed now.


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